Summer gives kids and teens more freedom, more downtime, and more chances to get together with friends. That can be a great thing. Pool parties, sleepovers, beach days, birthdays, and backyard hangouts are all part of making memories.
But before you say yes to the next invitation, it is worth taking a quick pause.
Not every gathering is unsafe, but every parent knows that plans can change fast. A small get-together can turn into a bigger crowd. A supervised party can become less supervised. A teen may feel uncomfortable but not know how to leave without making it a big deal.
That is why a few simple questions ahead of time can make a big difference.
You do not have to interrogate your child or assume the worst. The goal is to stay informed, set expectations, and give your child a clear plan before they walk into a situation where alcohol, vaping, marijuana, or other risky choices may show up.
Here are five questions to ask before you say yes to a summer party.
This sounds basic, but it is one of the most important questions.
Before your child goes to a party or gathering, find out who is hosting, who is invited, and whether a responsible adult will be present the whole time. “Parents will be home” and “parents are supervising” are not always the same thing.
You can ask:
This is especially important during summer, when kids may have more free time and less structure. A gathering that starts with a few friends can quickly grow if it gets shared in a group chat or posted online.
If you do not know the family well, it is okay to reach out. A simple message like, “Hi, I just wanted to check in about the party and make sure an adult will be there,” is reasonable. You are not being difficult. You are being a parent.
Do not assume this is understood.
Your child may know your family rules, but the hosting family may have different expectations. Some adults may think a little alcohol is harmless if kids are “staying put.” Others may not realize vaping, nicotine pouches, marijuana edibles, or other substances could be brought into the home by another guest.
This is where clear communication matters.
Ask the hosting parent directly if alcohol, vaping, marijuana, tobacco, and other drugs will be allowed or accessible. If the answer is unclear, that is a red flag.
You can also remind your child:
“Our rule is simple. If alcohol, vaping, marijuana, or anything else shows up, you call me. You will not be in trouble for calling. I just want you safe.”
That last part matters. Kids and teens are more likely to reach out when they know the first response will be help, not immediate punishment.
Even when a party starts off fine, things can shift.
More people may arrive. Someone may bring alcohol or drugs. A parent may leave. A group may decide to go somewhere else. Your child may start feeling uncomfortable.
Before they go, talk through the “what ifs.”
Ask:
This does not have to be a long lecture. Keep it short and practical.
You can create a simple exit plan together. Some families use a code word or emoji that means “Come get me now.” Others agree that their child can blame the parent and say, “My mom said I have to leave,” even if they just want an easy way out.
The goal is to give your child a way to leave without feeling embarrassed or trapped.
Transportation is a major part of party safety.
Before saying yes, know exactly how your child is getting to the party and how they are getting home. Avoid vague plans like “someone is driving” or “we will figure it out later.”
Ask:
If your child is older and driving themselves, the conversation is still important. Make sure they know they should never get into a car with someone who has been drinking, using drugs, or acting unsafe.
It is also a good idea to agree on check-in times. This does not have to feel controlling. A simple “Text me when you get there and when you are leaving” helps everyone stay on the same page.
This may be the most important question on the checklist.
Kids and teens need to know they can call their parent or caregiver when something feels wrong. They need to hear that safety comes first, even if a rule was broken.
That does not mean there are no consequences later. It means the first priority is getting them out of an unsafe situation.
Try saying something like:
“If you are ever somewhere and something does not feel right, call me. Even if you made a choice you are worried about. Even if you think I will be upset. I would rather pick you up than have you stay somewhere unsafe.”
That kind of message can stay with a child when they need it most.
Before your child attends a summer party or hangout, take a minute to review:
You do not have to say no to everything. Summer should still be fun. But saying yes should come with clear expectations and a safety plan.
Informed Families’ Safe Homes Smart Parties campaign encourages parents and caregivers to help create safe, substance-free spaces for youth. That includes setting guidelines, being present at gatherings, and making it clear that underage alcohol, tobacco, vaping, marijuana, and other drug use are not allowed.
When parents work together, it becomes easier for kids to make healthy choices. It also sends a clear message: fun does not have to include substances.
This summer, before you say yes to the next party, ask the questions. Make the call. Set the expectations. Give your child a way out.
A safer summer starts with informed parents and clear conversations.
Ready to help create safer spaces for youth?
Learn more about Informed Families’ Safe Homes Smart Parties campaign and take the pledge to support alcohol-free, drug-free, and tobacco-free gatherings for kids and teens.