Sometimes it seems that dealing with teens is a no-win situation. No matter what parents say or do is “wrong,” at least according to them. It makes you wonder what happened to that sweet person you’ve been living with for well over a decade.
It’s in their genes
“The hormonal changes that occur during adolescence make teens more volatile and more likely to be expressive rather than reflective,” Bernard Golden, Ph.D., told Good Housekeeping. Golden is a psychologist and author of “Healthy Anger: How to Help Children and Teens Make Sense of and Manage Anger in Everyday Life.”
In addition, the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for reasoning, planning, and decision-making are still not fully developed in adolescents.
Teens also experience a change in their circadian rhythms that result in changes in their sleep patterns. That’s why they’re now suddenly up till 10 or 11 p.m. and have trouble getting up for school. So part of their problem may just be lack of adequate sleep.
There’s more
Aside from the physical changes their bodies and brains are going through, they also have to cope with school, changing social relationships, social media, and all the upheaval the pandemic has created. Add in extracurricular activities and maybe even a part-time job, and you’ll see they have a lot on their plates.
Finally, the main “job” of every teenager is to learn to become independent. So it’s normal for teens to try to push boundaries.
So what can a parent do?
- Remain calm, and try not to take their grumpiness personally.
- Talk to them like an adult instead of like the child they were.
- Set limits on what is acceptable behavior and give consequences for what isn’t.
- Provide reasonable amounts of freedom as much as possible.
- Above all, listen. Try to keep the lines of communication open and reassure them of your love.
When to get help
This doesn’t mean you should give their cranky behavior unlimited expression. If they’re affecting the emotional climate of your home, they seem unreasonably angry all the time or are engaging in substance abuse, it’s time to seek help from a professional.
