If only our kids knew what we know as adults:

• You have to work hard to achieve your goals.
• You can’t let yourself be distracted.
• You can’t solve your problems by hiding them in drugs or alcohol.

But, being kids, they’ll discount or disbelieve anything we tell them along those lines, because of course they know better than we do. Didn’t we, at their age?

So how can we get them to achieve their full potential without nagging, punishing, or bribing them to do what they should?

Give them the ‘why’

Instead of just assigning chores, or using threats or rewards to make them do their homework, show them the reasons behind what you expect from them. Tell them, in other words, what’s in it for them.

Kids who are intrinsically motivated—that is, who want to accomplish something, rather than being made to accomplish something—are more likely to willingly stick with a chore and do it better.

Grant autonomy

Once they understand what’s expected of them, let them go about it in their own way. Kids don’t have to be a mirror of us in order to be successful. In fact, by setting parameters and letting them work things out on their own, we’re helping them become independent adults.

Unless there’s a question of safety involved—where drugs or other risky behavior is involved, for instance—try not to hover. Allow them to learn from their failures.

Stay nearby

On the other hand, let them know you’re there for them. Harvard University’s Center On the Developing Child recommends maintaining a close connection with your child.

“As teens become more motivated by the approval of their peers, it can be socially rewarding to follow risk-taking leaders or stand out by breaking boundaries,” the group explains.

“However, teens with close family relationships are less prone to risk-taking. High parental support and open dialogue are associated with fewer problem behaviors, including less substance abuse and delinquency.”

This is precisely why Informed Families developed the innovative Family Table Time series. This 52-week family activity kit offers fun family activities while promoting a family dialogue around values, ethics, and principles, offering different topics each week.

This month’s topics include motivation, cybersafety, and summer preparation. At only $4.99 per month, it’s well worth the investment for your family. And you can try one month free—see how it helps bring your family closer together!