Nobody likes a tattletale, as the old saying has it. But there’s a difference between “tattling” and “telling,” and it’s important that children understand the difference. Sometimes the distinction is even hard for adults.

A common behavior

As annoying as tattling can be, it’s likely that every parent has encountered it from their young kids. Psychologists say that tattling helps youngsters feel important and/or empowered when they’re able to share “news.”

In other cases, they tattle because they honestly don’t know what to do about a situation that we may think of as trivial. That’s because until a child reaches their teens, they lack the development of adequate interpersonal skills to handle conflicts on their own.

That’s when an adult needs to step in and offer suggestions or even solutions for non-violent ways for a youngster to solve problems with siblings and peers on their own.

Some telling is important

But in the case of drug or alcohol use, bullying, sexual abuse, or other dangerous behaviors that parents need to know about, it’s vital that children:

• understand the difference between tattling and telling
• trust that bringing such news to an adult won’t result in negative consequences

This means parents must remain calm, no matter what their child tells them. Overreacting—whether leaping in to solve their problem for them or becoming upset or angry with them or the other party—can often make them reluctant to share sensitive news.

Telling is necessary when the child or another person is in danger. It isn’t “tattling” if the goal is to keep themselves or others safe.

The expression that arose after the 9/11 attacks applies to many situations: “If you see something, say something.”

Speaking up can often prevent tragedies, but kids don’t always know when tattling—or telling—is appropriate, even necessary. It’s up to us to help them figure out the difference.